Friday, March 04, 2005

Disingenuous people annoy me

I think because I am in a new season in my life it is hard for me to be around people who don't know who they are. You are probably thinking...,"Oh crap here she goes again ranting."

Perhaps it is because I spent so many years trying to "be" something other than who I am. I have very little patience for people that fake, people that know who they are and decide to run from it, or people that are trying to be like someone else. Now that I read that and realize how harsh it sounds...let's try to find the core.

Yes I am annoyed by people who are unoriginal. Mainly because there is an original. There is a person buried underneath all of the faux shells that we use to cover up our uglies thinking knowone will like us. There is a life locked deep within the walls of cynicism, that were probably formed over the years of disappointments we all experience. There is a spirit that continues to be crushed by the dark despair of not measuring up to imaginary measurements that have been set up.

Then maybe my frustration is really grief. I feel a twinge of compassion for people who I see through. The eyes that discern all of these things are the only eyes which can...for these are the eyes that are familiar with the patterns. This the the girl that has and will again journey into the darkness of my soul, and see in the end all that really matters is the Light.

I wish that everyone could go there. I think to truly begin to grasp the elementary tenents of our faith, you have to start by looking deep within and allow them to touch every part of you. Every part. it is so easy to think you intellectually grasp the depth, height, width of the Love of God...but that is the point...you will never grasp it. That is how large it is. That is how deep it is. Like Paul said in Romans:

38And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. 39Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Now if you stop and think about that for just a moment and not recite it like a brain-dead mantra, but allow it to sink into every part of you...

The depth of that Love...

I am tearing up now...it's too much.

posted by Kat @ 3:36 PM