Grief
I am sitting here thinking about grief and I honestly don't know how people cope. I have had some pretty crappy experiences in my life and I wonder at times how I survived it. I think about all of the people who have lost a child or a loved one and I wonder if I would be able to handle it. It seems to be in my experience that perhaps I may not be able to deal.I don't know if I have taken time to deal with the things that have hurt me. I know that some things in my life I have processed, accepted, and moved on but with others I cannot seem to let go. It is as if certain things have shaken me to my core and I don't know how to get out. I can see the results of the shaking and I don't know how to repair. I see the light, I see hope, but I don't know how to cross over the bridge. I don't know what keeps me from moving along. I feel so very stuck.
I take steps and it feels as if it is in vain. It feels like a waste of time, like there is no progress. I don't know how to make progress. I know taking steps is supposed to get closer to the goal, but if the goal is healing, acceptance, and moving on...well I don't know how.
When everything that you valued, cherished, adored is gone, how do you live and not be bitter? How do you accept that it was what it was and move forward? How do I move on? How do I take responsibility for what I need to take responsibility for and not be terrorized by what ifs for another two years? It seems as if everything that was certain for a moment, now seems so fleeting and discombobulated.
I guess I don't know where to go from here. Perhaps I will figure it out soon.
posted by Kat @ 10:12 AM
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