Thoughts on Discipleship
I have been thinking about disciplehship over the last couple of days and what it means to be a disciple and how to have healthy discipling relationships. I was on the phone with my soul sister Julie today and she was telling me about her experience at a church within a movement I was a part of. She said she watched how ministry was conducted and realized the freedom of the spiritual gifts(good) can lead to manipulating and crushing people(bad). She thought of me and how for years as people "identified" and "called out" giftings in me how it lead me to where I am...confused, broken, and feeling like I have not measured up.I had many people in my life walk along side me and point out things to me. I would honestly say that I was a young impressionable girl who was striving for acceptance and identity. In this place I came into leadership and found a place in position, found my niche and stuck to it. This place that I carved out, this place I called home was a false God. It was a place where I was focused on finding my identity as a christian leader rather than in being God's beloved little girl. This God is dead to me now.
It took me running away from the church to find Jesus. It took me leaving everything I ever held dear to see that it was all a sham. It took me dying so that I may truly live.
I truly believe with all of my heart that people had the best of intentions. I don't believe that the gifts that were identified would negate the fact that it was good. Good however is not always what is best. I think that if I were given room to wrestle with the mystery I would have a stronger sense of self. If I were to have figured it out on my own I would be walking out my place from a deeper inward confidence, that I would not waiver. I would not be looking to leaders who were readily available with answers-but to God.
This is the kind of leader I want to be. I don't want to have the answers or pretend as if I am wise and that I do. I want to walk with people. I want to wrestle Mystery together. I want to be friends with people and not their "pastor" or "elder".
I guess the things I see that are important in discipleship from my own experience is that we need to allow room for people to make mistakes. We ultimately need to allow people to make choices even if we don't agree with them. We need to not have "knowing" looks when someone says they want to go a path we don't agree with or judge them when they do. We need to learn to raise up leaders who are independant yet dependant thinkers. People who are able to make decisions alone, fully dependant on God and not others opinions or approval.
I am seriously questioning this whole calling or anointing thing in regard to discipleship. Is calling something that is pointed out by a community(disciplers) or from Jesus? If a person is truly called would they not hear the call individually then possibly have it confirmed corporately? Or maybe not at all? Does a call or a mission have to be identified corporately?
posted by Kat @ 5:33 PM
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