Emotional Single Girl
I am an emotional creature. I am one of the "in touch with their emotions" people. In fact I think it is more than in touch...my emotions tend to run my life at times.I have this feeling right now that I cannot describe. I know that it sucks. I am sitting here listening to Norah Jones and Adam Levy do a rendition of Love Me Tender. I have been sitting here replaying it to try and describe the moment.
I sit here longing for a life that always seems out of reach. No matter what I do it is an unattainable dream. I want to believe that someday if I do everything right, that it will work out. It has been a long tumultuous journey and all my labor has proven to be fruitless. A waste, a chasing of the wind.
I give up. I quit. It was easier when I did not risk. It was easier when I did not question. It was easier when I did not love to the extent that I give my all. It was easier when I ignored my heart. It was easier when I stopped dreaming of love and did not allow myself to have hope.
I want to spout off all of my idealistic notions about love, beauty and truth and press on to a bright new day. The reality is that I am tired. I lack the faith that other's have. I know God is there. I can feel him when my heart is breaking and I feel as if I am dying...(drama queen..I know) I know that God is doing something and I need to trust. I am just so damn emotional.
I know that my feelings will change and he will give me strength again.
Most of you know about my silly prayer experience a couple of weeks ago. I think that God was using that time to show me that he is indeed God. He is in control...he really is. I know he is doing stuff in me, I know that he is moving. I need to stop fighting it. I don't know why I fight it, but I do.
Will you guys pray for me to not fight so damn much?
Will you also pray for me to find the following guy:
WHAT I WANT IN A GUY(non negotiables)
love god
love people
love children(be really good with kids) and wants to have them
funny(make me laugh)
social awareness(able to care for community)
compassionate
sensitive to my/others feelings
depth in his soul
handsome
supportive of me
someone who is emotionally available
good communicator
forgiving of me
authentic(someone who is who he is and does not hide it)
someone who will be ambitious/take intiative
be my best friend
someone who I always want to be around
someone who is humble yet can take charge
someone that I am not scared to share the rest of my life with
someone who will be completely in love with me and would move heaven and earth to be with me
someone I make crazy
someone who can be a leader or support me leading
somone who is liberal, understands postmodern ministry ideas
someone who makes me light up
be open to new experiences
adventurous
There some negotiable things that are not important like musically gifted, into the arts, write for a british golfing magazine, likes beer(not sissy beer), glasses(i have a glasses thing), tatoos, someone who dresses as well or better than I do(these are negotiables), likes dogs, someone who is as cool or cooler than the following: Brian Jeanseau, Kevin McVicker, Wayne Purdom, Bryan Campbell, and any of my other cool older guy friends...just someone who is cool. I don't know what it is about these guys...they are just neat. I think I should add Kevin Crawford to this list...he is fantastic.
SO someone who dresses and takes intiative like Wayne, is funny and deep like Brian, compassionate, beer drinking, and adventurous like Kevin, wise and authentic like Bryan C., and creative, emotionally present, and glasses like Kevin Crawford.
I know it's a tall order..did I mention someone who is tall?
It doesn't hurt if he looks like any of the pictures below.
I knew blogging would make me feel better...at the very least I am laughing.
posted by Kat @ 7:44 PM
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