Growing Up
Growing UpI had an interesting experience this weekend. I decided to take a mini break and come to Yakima for a visit. Note I did not say, "Go home for a visit." Yakima is truly the most miserable place on the face of the planet, we'll second to an Iraq War Zone.
The moment that I enter Yakima County I was ready to go home. As soon as you enter Yakima County you get a weird feeling. Some people refer to it as the, "Yakima Yuck." Truly, it is yucky and it is noticed. I am not one to over spiritualize stuff, but it feels as if you have walked into an oppressive evil place. Ask anyone that has lived there, or visited there.
I was a mess. I had to have called Trissa at least 4 times, and a couple of other friends. Trissa was the best though...she understands the yuck. Yet even in the midst of the yuck, it seems to fade as soon as I see my mom, or some other lovely person.
I have been processing through some thoughts in regard to my faith(like usual), and I feel almost at a stand still. This weekend brought up a lot of unresolved issues about my life, God, and what it is all for. I know intellectually what it is for, through the reading of the bible, but alot of times I realize what I think I know...I don't really know. Like all good mysteries I suppose...
I feel so discouraged when I come back here. I feel so different. I don't feel like anyone understands me, like I am in the twilight zone. Everything from the way people interact with each other like the lady at Selah 7-11 calling me honey 5 times, to the way people dress, to the way people drive, eat, everything is so opposite of my life. Yet I know that a part of me is all of the oddities...this is where I came from.
The difficult thing with knowing the things that shaped me is knowing that they are apart of me. The grocery store that I shopped at in Selah, looks the same as it did 8 years ago. The lady at the 7-11, is the same lady from when I was in high school wondering if I could pull off buying cigarettes without being carded. My high school still looks the same, just smaller. Everything just seems so much smaller.
All of the things that are around me are apart of the person I am today. It is just hard to have that knowledge, yet not see any correlation whatsoever.
I do not see any of my history in who I am becoming. I know that it is there...it has to be. I don't understand the mentalities of people anymore, I don't fit into the box anymore...
I guess this is part of growing up.
posted by Kat @ 4:02 PM
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