Future Momma Thought
Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf, dix.I am sitting here reading a children's my first french word book. I have been reciting the german, spanish, and english numbers to Jake for the last nine months. Now I am learning French.
Ever since I was in middle school I have always wanted to raise cultured children. I wanted my kids to know classical music pieces,languages, art, history, theatre. I want to produce well-rounded intelligent kids. Later when I became a christian I wanted my kids to love Jesus and love other people with all that is in them. I wanted to see them care for the poor, pray for sick people, and love the unlovely.
Being a nanny over the last 9 months has made me realize a few things about the reality of motherhood. You forget things. You try to stay on a schedule, it doesn't work. You set up a plan, and it falls apart when he sleeps longer than usual, or doesn't sleep at all. I am beginning to see if I am going to have children someday, it will need to be my full-time job and I will do nothing else.
My boss, Olivia, is having their second child this month. As the nanny, I have been a bit freaked out. Now I have taken care of more than one child before, but never this close in age. Jake is 16 1/2 months. Lily is coming soon. Olivia will be home for the first few months, but I am still a little scared. I actually have been scared through her entire pregnancy. It is a little weird to be around someone as they get bigger and know that there is a little girl in her tummy. It's weird. Kinda gross to.
As I learned some French, plan activities for Jake, I wonder what he will remember about me. Will he remember the silly nanny who tickled him obsessantly? Always making him lift his arms to check for those darn tickle bugs? Will he remember the language lessons, the special Starbucks treats, or the kisses on the back of his neck?
I wonder if by the time I have children I will throw the utopian dreams of cultured kids out the door and realize it doesn't matter. I may forget to sing the Itsy Bitsy Spider everyday, or recite the spanish colors, but I will not forget to love.
posted by Kat @ 10:03 PM
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