Plans
Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart...try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you wiil then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.Rainer Maria Rilke
I have to read this when I start to slip into my box mentality. I want everything to fit together, I want the answers, I want everything to make sense. I have such a hard time being patient and trusting God. I want to have a five year plan...and I cannot.
Did you know that I used to have a plan? I had a five year plan when I was 19. Every six months I would evaluate my progress to determine what I had to work on. I would set short/long term goals for myself and check them off as I achieved them. I have not had a plan for the last three years. I have not had the ability to make one.
A couple of years ago I was at the mall and I was walking around, daydreaming not paying attention to anything that was around me. I kept looking ahead out toward what was in front of me. Bustling through the crowds, I found the escalator and tried to get on. I kept stepping and I could not get up. After a couple of tries, I looked down and say that I was going up the wrong side. Feeling stupid, I moved to the other side and felt God say to me,"That is how you live your life, Kat." You are so busy pressing through to the goal that you sometimes forget to look at what is right in front of you."
ouch...
Needless to say I have a dificult time with this. I want the world to be organized, and if not the world at least my life.
I know that there are moments where I slip back into this organizational,every thought, plan, feeling needs to have it's proper place. When am I going to learn this is not life?
Life is not neat. It is messy, disorganized and worth it.
I really want to stop searching for answers. I want to just live.
posted by Kat @ 11:47 PM
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