Coffee, Long Naps, and Processsing was the trick
I realized why I may have felt so burned out yesterday was a lack of "emotional processing" time from the Saturday thing, lack of coffee(i have been drinking more tea lately). Today during Jake and Lily's naps they slept for longer than usual so while I plowed through Martin Buber's I and Thou, I listened to good music and prayed.Taking abnormal psychology rather than women's history...much better teacher. I mentioned to Otto and Olivia today that I am thinking about moving on at the end of my contract(june 2006). I don't think I can do it.
I read somthing by Mark Twain today:
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw of the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
When I read this...I feel a twinge of disappointment of not being Jake and Lily's nanny anymore. OK that is a vast understatement...I feel like my heart is being carved out with a spoon. I always try to make decisions prayerfully, and what will produce the least amount of regret if I do not step out or challenge myself. I think I may regret not being their nanny. Partially because I am slightly attached and do not want to miss out on their lives...or at least the first few years. Eventually I will have to move on...maybe when they are in Kindergarten! Today, I think that I will regret not staying and helping raise them. I also will regret not getting my degree. I also will regret not being able to have time to invest in people, volunteer, write, and start to plant a church.
I think I may need to try and do it all. Can I do it all?
posted by Kat @ 9:15 PM
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