Merging oh beautiful Merging
It's official at the end of the month Urbanchurch and Metro Vineyard will be merging. Oh beautiful, merging.I am actually saying beautiful cause I cannot think of anything better to say. Perhaps I am casting my hope of what will come to be. I am not really sure what I think about this anymore...it changes so often. Today I am annoyed.
Little freaked about having a lot of new people in the shop and I am not sure Kevin and Eric know where we are going. That makes me REALLY nervous. There are somethings that I am thinking that I cannot really articulate right now...but I am hoping that things will be good. But today things don't FEEL so good. I can feel myself starting to put myself on the shelf again. I hate that...I don't know if it is just my own fears or God.
The dream I had about the hospital/birth thing seems so applicable now. In the dream I as giving birth to a baby. It was a large building, I was in a lot of pain as I walked around the hospital trying to find my room. I walked around holding my stomach and ran into Nigel. He asked why I was there(it was a birthing center-esque place). I told him I just had a baby and invited him to come and see her. He said yes. I also ran into Jeff Mook who unlike the other dreams I have had about him he seemed to be really out of it. I was way excited and told him I had a baby, and he was really happy for me. He hugged me and I invited him to come see her. I went up to my room to find a clanking washer next to my bed. I went downstairs to request a new room because I knew the baby and I could not rest there. They moved me to a ward for other recovering from birth moms, but it was an empty ward. I was the only one and I was surrounded by friends, I was alone in the birth but not in the parenting. I was frustrated because there was so much transition and all I wanted to do was find my space, rest, and nurture the baby.
There is definite a correlation between the birth in me and the birth of a church someday. I think that this dream represented both the frustration of me wanting a place to be safe and comfortable to be nurtured in the "new" me and also in the birth of a new church.
Eric asked me if I was "called" last night. I know that I am "called" to planting a church where I am leading a team of people, but I am not sure that God is calling me to this "new' thing. I knew when I was in Hawaii that I was coming home to be at urbanchurch, and felt like God was blessing that decision. Eric said,"Well God knew that all of this stuff was going on when you made your decision, so why would he want you to leave?"
So now I am a little pissed off with Jesus. I just don't freaking get it sometimes. I am irritated.
posted by Kat @ 8:43 PM
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