Spinning Part Deux
I know I need to re-center. I know I need to slow down. Yet I find myself again in that place between sanity and falling apart. I am too busy.I feel like everything is above me like a swarm of bees trying to get to a spot of sugary substance on my head. I feel sticky and warm like a child's hand after eating a lollipop. So messy, so very messy. Then the bees come in to add more grief to an already chaotic situation. All I want to do is swat them away, but the more I swat, their presence becomes increasingly hostile.
Occasionally one will break through my failing arms and sit directly on my nose so I can see nothing but that one. I swat her off, but she likes my nose for some odd reason. For that moment I am able to ignore all of the other annoyances and see one. Instead of killing the damn bee, I gently remove her and place her back with the rest of the swarm. Avoidance, I am finding is the worst thing you can do with a community of bees.
I need to start killing some bees in my life. I need to get rid of something before they consume me and there is no longer me....only the shell that I used to be.
Knitting is not helping. Knitting has become a bee....damn me and my ever loving agendas....I have seven more to make before Christmas.
Down time is not helping. I only sit and make lists of everything that I need to do or should be doing.
Praying is not helping....I am becoming increasingly frustrated with my conversations with God lately...well maybe I can find a better word...I am becoming increasingly indifferent toward this whole, "God's calling" on peoples lives.
I need to kill bees now.
posted by Kat @ 3:52 PM
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