Spinning
Do you ever feel like the world is spinning around you so quickly that you feel as if you are whirling in the wind caught up in the branches of a willow tree on a windy fall day? The branches slapping you in the face just enough for it to sting a little, just gently enough to excite you, to catch you in the wonder of it all?In the movement of the leaves falling gently to the ground you are at that moment caught. Enamored with the beauty of the moment. It stops. The busyness subsides and you drink it in as if it is a glass of St. Chapelle's Special Harvest Riesling. You enjoy it. You savor it. You wish it would never end.
In the spinning you must remember to be present with the space that you are in. If you do not take time to think upon the present you will forget the meaning of it all. And there is meaning to be found in it. The mystery, the complex beauty of the spinning.
I realized today that as I am spinning I need to sit. The pain I have wanted to forget is still there, the joy that is all around me is there, the expectation of my future is there...I am not taking time to filter out the old and embrace the new.
Today on my drive to school I stopped for a moment and paused. I heard all of the painful voices of my past darkening my future. I want to let go of it so bad and I can't. I sat in my car and said,"Jesus this really hurts." "Jesus I think that was wrong." "Jesus I need you to make it right." I also thought some very David-esque comments but decided it was best to not wish my enemies death. I sat for a moment with my hurt and it hurt really bad. It still hurts really bad.
Today was a day where I had the courage to stop and realize that the ugly things I have not wanted to see are very real and very present, but I need to forgive. I need to move on. It is time to move on. I need to stop over-analyzing everything that went wrong, how I could have made better choices, choices to have protect myself better, choices that would alleviate my hurt. Choices that would have put me on a different life path than I am on now.
I need to move on and forgive. I need to try and love my brothers and sisters. I need to love like Jesus loves. I need to listen like Jesus listens. I need to rest like Jesus rested. I need to stop and be caught up in the beauty of the spinning whirling trees, and remember to breath and do my homework, plan a wedding, host thankgiving dinner, clean my house, make lists, finish my christmas scarfs and figure out how to make fantastic truffles and body scrubs for Christmas.
posted by Kat @ 11:28 PM
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