These changes they are a changing
Change is a familiar word in my life right now. Change is something that is very annoying right now. I know that change can be good, evolving into the new is good but it is also really crappy right now.I find that my hand have begun to look older. I find small wrinkles that are from the care of babies, from the knitting of Christmas presents, and from all of the work they have done over the last 27 years. My hands are aging.
The hair on my head that once used to be deep brownish-black is now becoming increasingly grey. It used to hide at the nape of my neck but it is no longer in hiding. It proudly displays itself on the top of my head for all of the world to see...unless I pull it out with great frustration.
My relationship with God is changing. At one point I found myself consumed with a deep passion that seemed unquenchable, now I am sitting confused and torn. Some of these wounds are self-inflicted...some of them not. Some of the things I have answers for many of them I do not. I wish I could say that I was one of those people that is good at standing strong in difficult times but my bitterness is taking the best of me. Somedays I do not recognize myself anymore.
I stood in front of the mirror naked a few weeks ago and began to question what is all of this God stuff is worth. Many times I have questioned this, and many times I have locked these questions and stirrings deep away into the pockets of my heart where they began to fester. The change that I saw was that I am not afraid to ask anymore. I ask unto the distant unknown, I ask unto the Mystery. I ponder all that is unseen and all that is seen and I question for the good of my life, for the good that this will produce. I hope that someday soon all of the questions will resolve themselves and those that cannot that I will find a contentment in the peace of not knowing.
posted by Kat @ 10:16 AM
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