Learning Experience(REVISION)
What did I learn from this experience?I learned that it is the most amazing thing to know that someone loves you. It is the most wonderful feeling to have someone hold you and feel so protected that you never want it to end. I learned that relationships are hard, and to be in a relationship you need to want to be in a relationship. You need to be so in love with another person that you are willing to do anything to be with that person, almost to the point where it seems a little crazy to everyone else.
I attempted to love another. I was not expecting to feel the way that I did. I was completely caught up in the romance of the moment. Do I love him? Yes I do. Do I love him enough to give him my future? I think I loved him enough to think about a possible future with him. Do I love him enough to sacrifice my dreams? No.
Somewhere along the lines I realized that I was not being all that I could be.(Revision...I was something different that I imagined I could be) It all started when Biz pointed out that I was more fun when he wasn't around. (Who isn't more fun when they are around a bubbly outgoing person?)Then was perpetuated when another friend said that I am not happy and I should not settle.(Which in reality...can others determine your happiness...NO!) Finally I realized that all of this time I wanted something else but didn't want to hurt him.(I didn't want to hurt him because I had so many wonderful things with him...I didn't want him to think he was lacking) I realized that his insecurities of my friendships with other men was always going to be there unless he dealed with his own personal insecurity.(I misunderstood the conversation)
The reality is...I don't think I am ever going to find someone that I am not going to get sick of.(Who doesn't get annoyed or sick of their partner?) I don't think I am ever going to be ready...I have too many things that I want to do and so many of those things it is easier to be single for.(Two days later I realize that those things don't matter if I am not with the person that I love.)
single again once more!(and it fucking sucks. I intially put the exclaimation point to try and be hopeful...but who am I kidding)
posted by Kat @ 5:23 AM
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