Weirdo Dream #2
I remember years ago when I first began my journey toward learning alot of knowledge about how to live the christian life I thought I heard God speaking to me through scripture. It was in the second chapter of Ezekiel where God is calling him to prophesy. God says something like... "I am calling you to a rebellious nation though they do not hear you speak what I have given you..."I remember when I heard that I thought I heard the voice of God clearly for the first time in my life. I knew that God was calling me into a rebellious nation, to speak love, live truth, and show Jesus to a people that were without hope.
It is only now years later that I see how far away from this I got. It is funny in a sick twisted sort-of-way, how God can communicate to people and we fuck it up because we hear what we want to hear. We also hear based upon our paradigms of the world, God, etc.
Somewhere along the way His voice became not enough. Somewhere along the way I picked up this warped accountability/allowing people to speak into your life ideology that is quite abusive. Somewhere I believed it was not ok to do things unless you had approval from your pastor, and when I didn't have approval...it meant that I was fucked up. It meant that I was "running away from God". It is just recently that I realized that I can actually have relationship with God even if I am not "for" this thing called Vineyard. I can actually have relationship with God outside of the church.
Of course now that I have used the big "A" word I will be making a big deal out of what is perceived as nothing. But abuse is a serious thing...even if it is spiritual abuse. In fact the scars of spiritual abuse are buried so deep in biblical fallicies it is hard to know what is truth and what is not.
Truth is not afraid of the light. Truth-seekers are not afraid to be confronted with there wrong doing. When things are not talked about...that is hiding in the dark. When someone is asked to confront their abuser rather than being protected by the people who are God supposed "leaders" that is abusive. Truth seekers are not defensive about their behaviors....for if they are seeking truth there is no wrong. Truth seekers can understand and set healthy boundaries.
At Urban Vineyard Church(aka Mergy Church) this did not happen. Things were never brought into the light. Instead of talking about things(healthy) they were only talked about with certain people EVEN THOUGH many people felt or perceived the unhealthiness all around. It is not healthy to not talk about things, nor is it healthy to move on and pretend like everything is fine and moving forward. Cause it isn't.
posted by Kat @ 1:22 PM
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