What I am learning about LOVE
All day I began to think about the relationships that I have had over the last year. This painful year that I felt would never end. I began to think about all of the amazing things that happened.My friend Erin called me two weeks before my wedding to reconcile relationship with me and ask me back into her life. We are now talking and processing through similar things right now.
My friend Julie loved me. She let me cry at her house. She listened when I made huge mistakes, she pursued me even when I was really busy falling in love, working and going to school. She has helped me as I have entered into this new phase in my life. Everytime I come home from Julie's I have learned new ways to live in acceptance of my husband and be more loving. She has been so supportive and helped me in so many ways to learn how to be honest about my emotions.
My friend Trissa taught me more about commitment and friendship than I could ever imagine. We have fought, yelled, screamed, and hurt each other so deeply you would think that we would hate each other. The one thing that is consistent in our relationship is that we love each other. Through every trial, every issue we have worked through it and learned how to forgive and love. This is a person that I value, even though we have had difficult times.
Then there is my husband. I cannot even put into words how much he means to me. I am learning that loving someone means that you need to let go. Let go of what seems so important in my life to see that caring for anothers needs is the greater cause. Listening when all I want to do is be critical. Being open and allowing him to express himself freely without judgement. Love is ultimately sacrificial. It is something in our hearts that at times seems to well up within us, but other times I just want to strangle him. It is in those times where I stop and silence myself and allow patience and compassion to come before anger that I learn how to love more positively.
I have so much stuff going on, so much anger that I don't know what to do with myself. Early this morning I realized that I am not going to accomplish anything by spewing ugliness everywhere. My desire in writing the posts that I have deleted was to express my frustration in a place where I have found it to be safe. I wanted to be honest about the things that have happened rather than not saying anything about it like so many other situations in my life. All day today I kept thinking about Love and how I have a fondness for love so I should focus on that. I need to let go. I need to be able to reconcile within myself that it was wrong and only God can make it right. I need to be hopeful that he will make things right in his time. Cause I really want to be about love. I really want to not be so jaded anymore. I really want to believe the best about people again.
posted by Kat @ 1:50 AM
