Jesus Action @ ELI
I am sitting here and I should be studying for finals but once again I am blogging. I have spent a good chunk of this week praying, reading, and thinking about Jesus. I am sitting in the Jeanseaux office as the girls are sleeping and U2 Elevation 2001 is playing on the T.V. just realizing again how much I love Jesus.Last weekend Evangel and I attended the ELI conference in Seattle which was amazing. I foolishly thought that I would have the stamina to be fully present for the entirety of the conference, but I was exhausted. We started out with the discussion group, which I left early because I thought I was going to fall asleep and I had coffee plans with my friend Rachelle. I love Rachelle. I spend time with her and I always feel as if no matter what I say I will never scare her. She listens and is so kind. I just love her.
After spending an hour manipulating Matt to attend ELI, he came with us. I loved worship starting with U2 singing Where the Streets Have No Name. I love U2. I love that they have passion to make the world a better place. As Gandhi says, “To be the change you want in the world.” I love worshipping with other believers in a large format. I miss that with being a part of a church plant.
Saturday we started the talks and Abi from the UK shared about her life and ever so gently provided a place for people to get right with God. I knew I was supposed to get prayer but I was not any of the things that were being listed until she listed bitterness. I realized at that moment that all of the hurt that I had was turned into bitterness toward some specific people, which turned toward conservative Christians. I was angry (still am), about all of the hurt that has been done unto people, to me, to my friends, and to people in my community. While it is okay to grieve this, because Jesus is too, it is not okay for me to hold a grudge toward people and be prejudice toward Christians. My friend Kevin says that I love the church, but I try really hard not to like it. SO TRUE! I hypothesize that God is trying to kick this out of me. I am not a naturally bitter person. I want to believe the best in people. I think I am also angry at myself for not listening to that sense I had in me about specific situations and I think this all could have been alleviated. The past is the past. I can only try to listen next time. So I got prayer, then the prophetic chick, Abi, as I was cleaning up my snotty face, walked by me and said, “God is not done with you yet.” She said that I am tired, I am looking for the answers, I have been searching for so long and I have not found them. She said that I need to slow down and listen for Jesus and he will show me the guidelines. Then she said that I am a leader and I am looking for someone to lead and there is know one to lead me. She said that there might not be anyone to lead me, that perhaps I may need to walk in a place where others have not walked. (which coincides with what the guys said to me in Texas about plowing ahead for future generations, and that God might ask me to go, even if know one else has before) She said that God says so much to me I don’t know what to do with it.(which is also what my friend Julie said to me) She said that I need to rest, be quiet with God, and to learn how to say no. To know when to invest, and to not. Then she asked me to put out my hands and be quiet, listen to God, and ask him what I am supposed to do. I assumed He was going to tell me that I was to quit school, focus on ministry crap, but my Jesus kicks ass. He knows me so well. He knows that if that were to happen I would be done. I really felt like God was affirming my decision about school! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so excited. I took this step toward furthering my education, kept asking Him if it was the right thing, and didn’t sense anything until last weekend. I was super excited.
Later that evening we talked about prophecy and something that I still do not fully comprehend happened. I didn’t know that I was prophetic. Really truly did not know. I also don’t really care for that word. It has such negative connotations to it. Kevin changed it to something kinda neat that I don’t remember now…communicator of God’s love to people….something like that. Any whooo…I have what I thought were random thought about people ALL THE TIME. I think things that I shouldn’t think, or see something really great in someone and want to tell them about it. I can see into people. I knew I could do that, but I didn’t know it was a gift. So I was in my group of about 5-6 people and I said, “Look I might be completely crazy, but as you sat down I thought something about all of you, so I am going to share and if I am wrong I am new at this.” I was right about all of them. As I was sitting there awed by God, I realized he is freaking talking to me ALL THE TIME. All of these thoughts just seemed like it was me, I thought I was crazy, but apparently not. So I decided to listen more.
Evangel and I shared when we got back and prayed for people. It was freaking awesome
posted by Kat @ 10:21 PM
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