All that is inbetween...
I was collage/painting today and I was thinking about my friend Julie. Julie is this amazing artist, mom, wife, and person. She loves to paint, but where she is in her life right now she is not able to give alot toward creating beautiful paintings. Instead her paintings, her creation, her expression is in the lives of her children. The art in which she is devoted to right now is the creation within her girls. She co-laboring to molding, shaping, forming the beauty that God is developing in her daughters, Hannah, Abi, and Ella.Julie, because she is a passionate person about God, her gifting, in the church was encouraged to walk out her gifting and encourage others to do so in the church gathering time. Encouraged to build the kingdom. Good thing. However, it was not the season for that. It is the season to nurture little spirits.
I has been reflecting upon what it means to be apart of the church the entire time I have been a Christian. To be honest, alot of times I feel like I should do things because I am "gifted", God has "called" me, or whatever other word you want to use to describe it. I feel guilty if I am not doing what others think I should be doing. I know others have felt the same way. The reality for me has become this:
I cannot live my life according to what others perception of what my calling or gifting is or how that should be walked out. I have to do it the way that God has knit me to do it even if that means that it looks different. Even if I piss people off or disappoint them.
I think that this is something that we often do in the church. We see this great potential in people, we get it in our minds how we think they should be, and when they fall short of our vision(yep that is what it is), we think they are wrong, so we try to fix them. Or we disengage them. How fucked up is that? I have seen it happen over and over to people. I have done it. There is a term for this:
Co-dependency. Yep my friends. Vocabulary word of the day. It is so prevalent in most churches today, in fact if you google co-dependency and you go down the 10 questions to identify co-dependency if you are like me you wonder,"What is wrong with someone of these things?" Isn't it kind to be a "helper", to protect people, and care for them? Yes and No. If we were truly caring, protecting, or helping people we would be able to not be cynical when they aren't up to par, or think that they have authority issues because they don't do what we think they should. I do this. All the time. It is sick and wrong.
The thing of it is...God has called us to love. Not just love when we want or when people are living their lives correctly, but all the time. That is what Jesus did. He loved everyone, the prostitutes, tax-collectors, even the Pharisees. His love is so deep, so extravangant, His plan so different than our thoughts...
Majesty where are you?
We have forgotten you in our ideology
We have hidden you in our plans.
Master, Master I call out to you
Can we find you in our piety?
Which often appears to be humility
Or at least what people would see as humility
In fact it is our hidden agendas, our hidden desires for greatness
For healthy churches, devoted disciples, so that we look good
Isn't about You? You are a Mystery
How dare we try to comprehend or understand
We cannot. We won't. Let's stop trying.
Maybe then the co-dependancy, the fixing will cease.
Maybe then we will stand back and watch You move
Watch You heal.
Watch You love.
Watch You fix.
Then we will be back in our rightful places
Just a vessel of You.
Then it will be ok to be a mommy
Not an "artist minister".
posted by Kat @ 1:54 PM
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