Saturday, June 25, 2005

Painfully Pursuing Authenticity

My best friend Sarah is the most insightful person that I know. She sees me, she knows me, and I love that.

I had a baring of soul conversation with her today and laid everything out. EVERYTHING. It felt so freeing to reveal myself to her and have her love me despite my shortcomings and faults. She truly knows what it means to love me.

We discussed the excitement of new friendships(Elizabeth) and the ending of another. It was so amazing to have her "therapist view" on dependant people. I have been manipulated in so many ways and can now see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel freedom for the first time in a long time.

We talked about knowing oneself and trusting what God says to us and how that can be skewed at times because of our ideas of what our value or worth is. If we truly are people that believe what God says about us, what He thinks about us, that will radically change the way that we view our lives, our world.

I see the journey I find myself on is a journey toward Christ, walking as he is identifying and calling out the "who I am", the woman within, the voice within. I was reading today that the Latin term for vocation is "voice". In a deeper more painful way I am finding myself in Christ, finding my heart, which has been hidden beneath the scabs and wounds of the past, in that finding my voice which will carry me toward my future, in Him.

Often I think that we do not know what authenticity is. It has become the token phrase our postmodern culture uses to seem as if we know what the hell we are talking about or so our churches and ministries sound ever so fucking cool. True authenticity, true God-head authenticity can only be birthed in the created knowing the Creator, knowing the heart of the Creator, and becoming vessels of the vibrancy of the creative in our worlds. To share a cup of water to the thirsty, to see injustice and want to make it right...

Authenticity like this can only be found through walking through your pain. It is only when we are faced with darkness can we begin to see the beauty of the Light, experience true joy, and real love.

posted by Kat @ 5:32 PM