It is New Year's Eve...
and I am still in my pajamas at 1:18pm. I was up until 4:30am watching the final season of Sex and the City. I truly in my heart love the fact that a television series helps validate my single status.
I called Curtis yesterday to say that I would not be coming to Yakima for New Year and we chat for awhile. It is so scary how much he has changed...for the good. He was telling me how he is looking at purchasing a practical car rather than own the gigantic truck he currently has. I miss my friend. It is only a few times in a person's life that someone truly gets you without having to spend several years divulging who you are to the other individual. It is nice to have someone get me. I feel like Curtis has gotten me from the beginning....either that or he is just great at listening...maybe it is both.
I am sitting here in my 9W glasses again...I don't know why I do this but I do. John Mayer is playing in the background and he is singing, "Why Georgia Why?"
The words that stick out to me are as follows:
Am I living it right? x3
Why Georgia why?
So what, so I've got a smile on
But it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
Don't believe me
When I say I've got it down
Everybody is just a stranger but
That's the danger in going my own way
I guess it's the price I have to pray
Still,"everything happense for a reason"
Is no reason not to ask myself
I had this dream about this friend of mine the other day. She was completely in love and happy, getting married, because she was pregnant and they got a good deal on an apartment on the upper west side. They were so happy and they delight in each other.
I was sick to my stomach by the sight of all of this happiness that when another one of my friend's kid started freaking out I offered to take them home so my friend could hang out at the party. I didn't know about the wedding, I was uncomfortable, I hid from the happiness and freed up other people to have fun, but I didn't have fun. I accepted that my lot was to care for the kids, do the behind the scene work, and let other people be in love, let other people have fun. Do you see the allegory in this?
Curtis at one point said that I was terrified of marriage. At the time I didn't believe him, now I know he was right. Another person told me that too..actually two other people. I am terrified of marriage, but I think it may be more than that. I think I am terrified of hoping for happiness. Because if I hope, then I can be disappointed. If I don't want it, and get it, I will be pleasantly surprised. It was nice to hear that he is terrified of it too...mainly so I didn't feel so dysfunctional.
Is it weird that I can hope for God to restore mankind, to alleviate poverty, to bring about social reconciliation and believe that it can be done, but I don't believe that a person to journey with can be provided?
Last night I watched Carrie settle for something great, but not the best. I know, I know...everyone thinks that they are a character from this show, but I cannot be put into the box of a fictional character. I did feel her pain when Big came back as she was preparing to move to Paris with Alexander. She asked him to leave, she didn't want him to screw things up again, and to not talk to her anymore. That is how I feel about Jesus sometimes. Sometimes I am completely in love with him, cannot imagine being with anyone else, then I feel disappointed with Him, and angry that at times I feel like He is not giving me what I need, that he screws things up. I am not going to cover that statement up with what I know to be true, I am just going to let it sit. He is a big God, and I know he can handle my honesty.
I hope this year I can trust more. Not just God but people, I don't want to fear people, and I want to trust what God says to me more.
I hope this year throught trusting more I will give more. Financially to charity, emotionally to my friends and family, and to God.
I hope this year I will listen more and walk out what I hear.
I hope that I will work on not being so self-depricating.
Of course the song that is playing now is Great Indoors:
Check your pulse it's proof, That you're not listening to
The call your life's been issuing you
The rhythm of a line of idle days
Scared of a world outside
You should go explore
Pull all the shaded and wander the great indoors
Though lately I can't blame you
I have seen the world
And sometimes I wish your room had room for two
So go unlock the door
And find what you are here for
Leave the great indoors
Please leave the great indoors.
I hope that I will continue to wrestle with the call.
I wonder...
The stark difference between something that is fresh and something stale are incomparible.
Same with new and old...
And alive and dead...
I can feel my heart longing for something clean. Something vibrant, yet I continue to live with the deceased.
All the passion and desire being birthed will be killed if not put in a healthy field...yet all I see around me are weeds.
I was thinking about the story of the wineskins this morning.
Matthew 9:16-17
Now one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch will pull away from the garment, making the tear worse. Neither do men pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins and both are preserved.
Jesus was using this as a metaphor when speaking to the disciples. the old wineskins were representing the Jewish system, which was unable to accomodate the new wine of the kingdom of God. The good news was unable to be held up by the religious systems and powers of that day. The old is gone, the new has come.
I wonder if when the disciples were learning about the kingdom of God, if they thought it would be easier to live in what they intellectually grasped, rather than to venture into these uncharted territories.
I wonder if the disciples thought it would be easier to live in the
familiarity of the already established systems, rather than seeking to the change and hope that Jesus brought.
I wonder if it is easier to live in the hope that the dead can be raised or venture into the realm of where they are being raised.
Is it easier to live where their might be new birth, or where their is new birth?
I may know the words
I went on a date with Jesus yesterday evening. I know that sounds goofy, but some of my favorite times with God are driving in my car and listening to music. Yesterday, I drove down Peacock Lane(street filled with houses decorated for Christmas) and listened to this song. It was after I spent an hour crying watching the Oprah South Africa special. The Angel network received $7 million in donations for the South African region. My heart is breaking for God's children in Africa. I feel like I cannot contain it. I drank my Grande Coffee from Starbucks, drove down this street of beautiful lights, a sense of awe followed by remorse. I listened deeply to the graceful notes and haunting lyrics that filled the car.
I may know the word
but not say it
I may know the truth
but not face it
I may hear a sound
a whisper sacred and profound
but turn my head
indifferent
I may know the word
but not say it
I may love the fruit
but not taste it
I may know the way
to comfort and to soothe
a worried face
but fold my hands
indifferent
If I'm on my knees
I'm begging now
if I'm on my knees
groping in the dark
I'd be praying for deliverance
from the night into the day
but it's all grey here
it's all grey here
Natalie Merchant
Is it all grey because we sin through our inaction, our apathy, our lack of compassion for humanity? I don't think I can be the kind of person that knows the words, knows the truth, knows the way to comfort and to soothe and fold my hands in indifference any longer. Our call to be God's children is much more greater than just to soak in our daddy's love...it is to be a beacon of hope, light, and grace to all of mankind. The oppressed, the wicked, and especially the widows and the orphans. Did you know that there is an estimated 11 million orphans in Africa? It is projected to be 20 million by the end of the decade.
We can continue to pray for deliverance of our souls, but the true measure of a man's faith is the ability to walk it out. It will continue to be grey until we learn how to love, forgive, and be the incarnational Christ to all of our brothers and sisters.
Did you know that we are all family? Why do we let our family die? Why do we let our family bleed, starve, suffer?
Jesus's birthday is today. He came to be that hope, the love that people so desperately need. He came to be Immanuel, God with us. He is with us. Yet all over the world, people do not feel that God is with them because people do not acknowledge them as worth anything more than cheap labor, child prostitutes, and helping sustain the wealthiest nations.
A young African boy on Oprah looked into the camera and through a thick accent said, "I, God's child, I somebody." He is right.
Someone please explain it to me why we continue to camp on the porch of indifference and do not make a move toward restoration for the hurting...
The Reason
What feeble attempts I make now to describe this awe is pathetic...please forgive me.
tiny hands pushing against the walls of the womb
kicking, fighting for space
life waiting to enter into this world
He was before time, before all creation, father and son in one
innocent, blameless, fragile child
did he know?
tiny mouth grasping at his mother's breast
safe, secure, warm in her arms
did he know?
every part of him perfect from the beginning
tiny feet, tiny ears
sinless life, compassionate mercy
perfection
did he know?
Immanuel
God is with us
Jesus
save your people
peace on earth
I was driving home today and I was just struck by the chaos that was stirring in my spirit. I have not rested. I have slept, but I have put to rest all that continually haunts me. Perfection, pride, image, the christmas rush, having to have the "right" presents for people, then the very cheesey yet applicable line ran through my head, "Jesus is the reason for the season."
Ordinarily I abhor christian language like that, mainly because it takes the meaning and the beauty of the words, and commercializes it to make $2.99 on a pin at your local christian book store. Hate the consumerism, love the language. God was giving me the smack down. I turned off the stereo and listened to him in the silence.
I got caught up in the consumeristic christmas again. Where Santa is Allah, and all good little boys and girls leave their offerings at the altar of the materialism gods. Of course it is masked in the ever popular, "season of giving" crap. Do we even remember why it is the season of giving?
I came home and turned off the lights, lit some candles, and read the christmas story. All I could do it weep and pray for forgiveness for my consistent wandering heart.
Jesus please take us back to the simplicity of who you are. Let us remember you as a defenseless baby, who came to be the Saviour of us all. Help us to lay down our lives as an offering before you, as you laid out your life for us. thank you for coming, thank you for risking, thank you for being. thank you for being the light to show us to our Father.
Singleton Ranting
It is Friday night and I just got back from the Alvarez Christmas party. It was such a good time. I love Marvin and Julia...they are fantastic peeps. It was nice to talk to people that I have not talked to in awhile. An old friend was there. We talked for a few minutes, she asked the dreaded question that all singletons hate...especially singletons who have convinced themselves that they are "content" with single status, only to have that belief be shattered at the mere forming of the question..."So are you seeing anyone?" Oh please let there be another five words that one could ask following the work questions. Will there ever be a time where someone will ask about your health, spiritual well-being, or maybe a "what's new with you". Let me tell you...it is much better to answer the question before it is asked, rather than answering it after. There is a sense of control in the former. You are together enough to recognize that there are other things that are more important than a significant other and the victim is able to mention those before feeling like a complete lackey without having a man.
In addition to all of that to hear,"I know that there is a guy out there for you." Good for you...glad someone believes it. I am just at the place where I am accepting the things I cannot change, and trying to find the courage to change the things I can. I do not control the hand and mind of God. He sees my heart and when it is time, it will be time. I have officially decided to not look or be girly anymore. I am done. Done done done.
I brought my friend Dan with me to the party, which was nice. It felt nice to not be alone in the midst of all of the marrieds. I hate being alone in those situations. Glad I went, glad he was willing to go even though we were supposed to watch a movie. It was nice to not feel alone.
I was talking with Jesus in the car and I know He knows what's up. I know He knows how fickle I am, sometimes I want marriage, sometimes I don't. I know He knows what is best, even when I don't. In all honesty it would feel nice not to feel alone in this big crazy adventure, to have a partner in crime, but at the times I really like being single.
I not going to think about this anymore tonight...
Mwanamisi
This is Mwanamisi from Tanzania. I decided to sponsor her through World Vision. She lives in Tanzania with her mom, dad, and brother. They live in an HIV/Aids infested area, as do a large portion of African children. If you do not know about World Vision here is there website:
www.worldvision.org
I talked to Trissa and Kelly last night after watching Hotel Rwanda, which was a movie about the 800,000 Hutu's and Tutsi that were killed 1994, while the Clinton administration and most of the Western power arms did nothing to stop these horrible autrocities and stood back and watched.
After the movie we talked about what we could do to be women who live passionately and try to make the world a better place. I said we need to take small steps. Sponsoring Mwanamisi is another step. Signing the DATA petition is another. Next I am not sure. I know that Jesus is giving me His passion, I guess I keep taking steps until I can't walk anymore.
I would encourage any of you that are interested in knowing about the AIDS pandemic in sub-saharan Africa to check out the DATA website:
www.data.org
This is not the last that you have heard about this from me. You will continue to hear me rant and rave about this for awhile.
Does anyone have any ideas as to how I can go to Africa to help people for cheap? Or maybe go on a mission trip to Africa.
I know all of this may seem so random to some of you who hear me talk about school, the church, church planting, sociology degree, etc. It is something that has been going on for a few years now in me...it was just one of the things(among many) that I suppressed because I did not have the energy to think about it. Now, I still do not have the energy, but it is pressing on me.
-K
Oh to dream a dream...
I am sitting at my computer with my big 9West glasses on that make me look glamourous...or at least things aren't the same color.
I am so random and I have been blogging a lot this weekend. It could be because I have spent the entire weekend with children and I am thinking a lot.
On Saturday I hung out with Hannah and Abi for the evening while Brian and Julie had alone time. I love their kids so much...I cannot believe they are going to have a new girl in a month! I am so excited!
Got home and there was a voicemail from Tris inviting me to see a movie about something in Rwanda, as U2 was playing again, and the program just happened to be right next to me on the floor from the World Affair council night I heard Bono speak. So I started to dialogue with Jesus about Africa. I have for the last three years have felt this tugging in my heart in regard to Africa and the AIDS crisis there. Over the years it has become increasingly difficult to ignore it. I still have no clue why Jesus has put this on my heart. I don't have a clue what to do. I pray, maybe I need to pray daily. Maybe I am supposed to talk about it.
I guess I need a little of your wisdom God. I am becoming more and more overwhelmed with His mission and I don't know what to do with that. I could sit here and list everything that I am passionate about like I have a million times before in my head...I just don't get how Jesus is going to take all of these scattered passions, dreams, and turn them into something that makes change...I assume that is why I am so freaking passionate. I want to see the world be a better place, I want America to learn how to share. Hannah and I talked about how americans don't share very well today. Here is a bit of our conversation:
Hannah: "yes we do"
Kat: hmm...let me tell you about an area of the world called sub-saharan Africa. Right now there are a whole bunch of hurting people, not just in Africa but all over the world, but especially in Africa and we are the most industrialized nation with a ton of money and we are not using it to help people that need it because of how consumeristic we are.
Hannah: What is consumeristic?
Kat: We like to spend money and not share with other people.
I want to be an advocate for people that have no voice, who are oppressed and lonely, I want to see the Kingdom of God be furthered in the places where it seems hopeless at times. I believe that God has the power and ability to have people share and be kind to one another. Okay so you are thinking to yourself...what color is the sky where she lives?
Part of me thinks that I need to figure out how to channel all of this energy, part of me thinks that this is the time for me to dream the impossible dreams to walk into what it is I am supposed to.
I am going to take my rose-colored glasses off and go to bed.
-K
Original of the Species
I could hear Jesus speaking to me as I listened to the song below. That has been the theme this week with us...being who He is creating me to become. To move with the rhythms of His grace, to be at one with His heartbeat, and continue to delve into the Mystery. I have been really overwhelmed with His stuff this week...I can feel my heart bursting. Yesterday at the UG Christmas party I saw so much...I spent most of the time thinking and praying. I stood at the counter staring at the newspaper because I felt weird watching people. Last night I laid in bed thinking about all of the stuff and one person kept staying on my mind and I prayed and prayed and prayed. It was really weird having this conversation with someone and seeing so much, that they are trying to cover up. I feel so broken for people...which is a good thing...anyways here is the song:
Baby slow down
The end is not as fun as the start
Please stay a child somewhere in your heart
I'll give you everything you want
Except the thing that you want
You are the first one of your kind
And you feel like no-one before
You steal right under my door
And I kneel 'cos I want you some more
I want the lot of what you got
And I want nothing that you're not
Everywhere you go you shout it
You don't have to be shy about it
Some things you shouldn't get too good at
Like smiling, crying, and celebrity
Some people got way too much confidence baby
I'll give you everything that you want
Except the thing that you want
You are the first one of your kind
Just a girl who would rather love, than Jew or be Jewed
In Sociology class on Monday, I listened, shared with people that I felt like I was supposed to. Except one thing…I did it the way I was supposed to do it. The way KAT is supposed to walk this out. Yes, it is a gift, but I am not all “crazy spiritual girl”, I am just a simple girl, who loves God. I used my language (didn’t mention Jesus), and you know what….people saw love. People saw Jesus. He has given me the ability to love people, be kind, and be me. I, for so long have felt like I needed to be like every other goody Christian, be something that I am not and it has finally sunk in, I don’t.
I get to be Kat. In all fullness, I get to say what I want, do what I want, and be who I want to be. Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God, lives inside of me and says that I am great and that should be enough. I want to live my life unapologetically. I do not want to apologize anymore for the person that I am becoming, because it is like saying that God’s creation is not good enough. I am loud, I am sassy, stubborn, somewhat crass at times, but I really love Jesus. That should be all that matters…
There are people that have chosen to not be near me perhaps because I am “not safe”, or I am too much like the world, or because I am not a fundamentalist…who think I have gone off the deep end. To that I can say, I hear the still small voice of my Jesus say, “Well done. I am proud of you.” If God parted the seas, He can certainly show me when I am wrong, or have gone overboard. I would much rather love and find common ground with people than tear down walls when we are supposed to be bound in love.
I want Jesus to continue to show me how to love the unlovely. For me it is NOT hard to love a homeless man, a homosexual, or unbelievers. It is hard for me to love people who hurt, people who are legalistic Christians, and people who do mean things in His name. As much as I want to disassociate myself with those people, Jesus loves them the same. Below are the lyrics from one of my favorite Nicole Nordeman songs that I think captures what I am essentially trying to say.
Come, there is room enough for all of us
Please come, where the arms are open wide enough
Please come, where the parts are never greater than sum
This is the heart of the one who stands before an open door and bids us come
Come, from the depths of depravity
Come, from the best of humanity
Come now and see how we need every different being, on same stream
I guess at the same time I don't want to be Jewed(thanks Chelsy Leslie for the new word in my venacular), I don't want to be a part of the problem, I want to be a part of the solution...a part of the change.
-K
Jesus Action @ ELI
I am sitting here and I should be studying for finals but once again I am blogging. I have spent a good chunk of this week praying, reading, and thinking about Jesus. I am sitting in the Jeanseaux office as the girls are sleeping and U2 Elevation 2001 is playing on the T.V. just realizing again how much I love Jesus.
Last weekend Evangel and I attended the ELI conference in Seattle which was amazing. I foolishly thought that I would have the stamina to be fully present for the entirety of the conference, but I was exhausted. We started out with the discussion group, which I left early because I thought I was going to fall asleep and I had coffee plans with my friend Rachelle. I love Rachelle. I spend time with her and I always feel as if no matter what I say I will never scare her. She listens and is so kind. I just love her.
After spending an hour manipulating Matt to attend ELI, he came with us. I loved worship starting with U2 singing Where the Streets Have No Name. I love U2. I love that they have passion to make the world a better place. As Gandhi says, “To be the change you want in the world.” I love worshipping with other believers in a large format. I miss that with being a part of a church plant.
Saturday we started the talks and Abi from the UK shared about her life and ever so gently provided a place for people to get right with God. I knew I was supposed to get prayer but I was not any of the things that were being listed until she listed bitterness. I realized at that moment that all of the hurt that I had was turned into bitterness toward some specific people, which turned toward conservative Christians. I was angry (still am), about all of the hurt that has been done unto people, to me, to my friends, and to people in my community. While it is okay to grieve this, because Jesus is too, it is not okay for me to hold a grudge toward people and be prejudice toward Christians. My friend Kevin says that I love the church, but I try really hard not to like it. SO TRUE! I hypothesize that God is trying to kick this out of me. I am not a naturally bitter person. I want to believe the best in people. I think I am also angry at myself for not listening to that sense I had in me about specific situations and I think this all could have been alleviated. The past is the past. I can only try to listen next time. So I got prayer, then the prophetic chick, Abi, as I was cleaning up my snotty face, walked by me and said, “God is not done with you yet.” She said that I am tired, I am looking for the answers, I have been searching for so long and I have not found them. She said that I need to slow down and listen for Jesus and he will show me the guidelines. Then she said that I am a leader and I am looking for someone to lead and there is know one to lead me. She said that there might not be anyone to lead me, that perhaps I may need to walk in a place where others have not walked. (which coincides with what the guys said to me in Texas about plowing ahead for future generations, and that God might ask me to go, even if know one else has before) She said that God says so much to me I don’t know what to do with it.(which is also what my friend Julie said to me) She said that I need to rest, be quiet with God, and to learn how to say no. To know when to invest, and to not. Then she asked me to put out my hands and be quiet, listen to God, and ask him what I am supposed to do. I assumed He was going to tell me that I was to quit school, focus on ministry crap, but my Jesus kicks ass. He knows me so well. He knows that if that were to happen I would be done. I really felt like God was affirming my decision about school! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so excited. I took this step toward furthering my education, kept asking Him if it was the right thing, and didn’t sense anything until last weekend. I was super excited.
Later that evening we talked about prophecy and something that I still do not fully comprehend happened. I didn’t know that I was prophetic. Really truly did not know. I also don’t really care for that word. It has such negative connotations to it. Kevin changed it to something kinda neat that I don’t remember now…communicator of God’s love to people….something like that. Any whooo…I have what I thought were random thought about people ALL THE TIME. I think things that I shouldn’t think, or see something really great in someone and want to tell them about it. I can see into people. I knew I could do that, but I didn’t know it was a gift. So I was in my group of about 5-6 people and I said, “Look I might be completely crazy, but as you sat down I thought something about all of you, so I am going to share and if I am wrong I am new at this.” I was right about all of them. As I was sitting there awed by God, I realized he is freaking talking to me ALL THE TIME. All of these thoughts just seemed like it was me, I thought I was crazy, but apparently not. So I decided to listen more.
Evangel and I shared when we got back and prayed for people. It was freaking awesome
Friday Night
Hung out with Trissa and Dan and had Pho. It was yummy. Trissa and I rented Coffee and Cigarettes and ate ice cream cake. We ate cake, fell asleep in the first 20 minutes and decided we should call it a night.
It felt so nice to spend time with single people near my age. I loved it. It was funny cause Dan asked me a couple of times if I was alright...I must have looked like crap...I was so tired.
I am realizing that I am going to be tired for the next 6-7 years(if I go to graduate school) I know that the only reason that I am able to get up in the morning is because God is giving me the strength to. Must continue to find small pockets of time to spend with Him....those have been the best times this week. I hate that it takes me so long to feel centered because there is just so much going on.
I cannot wait for winter break...I am thinking I should stay home and rest...avoid travel and anything tiring. I really do want to see Curtis and my family..note the order. It is ONLY because I just saw my family a month ago.
have a blessed day and hopefully I will have the energy to write something thought provoking during break.
-K
Tired...so very tired
I am weak. I am poor. I am broken, Lord but I am Yours.
-jennifer knapp
I am so tired that I am beside myself. My neck is feeling a bit better, I prayed that God would heal my neck so that it would not hurt last night and I could actually sleep. I slept for 6 hours! Finals time is upon me and I am feeling the effects of it. My living space is a complete mess. It is usually somewhat messy...but right now it is a mess. I have all of these projects planned over Christmas break(which is not REALLY a break because I am still working full-time. At least I will be able to be home at a decent time.
Last weekend Evangel and I were at ELI(I promise I will write about that at some point), this week I have been finishing up and giving presentations, homework, and getting ready for the big gun tests next week. I am so tired I want to cry(please tell me someone knows how this feels...I know Rebecca does)
On top of all of that Curtis called three times this weekend and said he was going to be through town sometime this week. I was in Seattle for one of the calls and we ended up playing phone tag for the others. I haven't heard from him so I am kinda hoping he just just went through town and forgot to call. It would have been nice to see my dear friend, but this was a BAD week. I was stressed just trying to think about where to fit him in. Kinda glad it didn't work out...although I realized I have not seen him in about seven months. I miss my friend.
In addition to that I am hanging out with Jeanseaux this weekend. I am super excited about that. I am planning on getting a lot of sleep on Friday to do what I love on Saturday...spend time with the kids. Right after Jeanseau weekend I am watching a little girl from Jake's playgroup, who is SOOO cute.
Okay now I am even more EXHAUSTED as I type...
Please pray for me.
Kat:)
Added thought to Weird Dufault Baby dream
I sat down to type something and realized this is not the first Dufault baby dream I have had.
I think I need to stop spending time around kids...or Matt. You know all of this subconscious stuff probably started to happen when people at the ELI conference(more info later) thought that Matt and I were Evangel's parents.
Anyways Matt told me on the phone today that his mom's middle name is Jane. I had no clue...thought it was kinda funny.
Below are another picture from ELI weekend of Evangel and I. Compare to the one lower on the page and tell me if we look anything like her parent. I don't think we do...but people just see the hair color and assume...like the guy at the Honda dealer thinking Betsy was my sister. I quickly responded," Do you smoke crack?" He wittingly replied,"Only on the weekends."
Evangel and I
Future Momma Thought
I am sitting here and I am supposed to be finishing up my power point presentation for architectural history and Lily is sitting on the floor in her carseat.
I cannot stop staring at her so I thought I would write about it. So first...
It is the most amazing thing that this girl was inside someone for 10 months.
It is so cool that she is so small.
She is so adorable. Like super adorable. She looks A LOT like her brother and her brother is the most adorable little boy ever...I am not biased.
She makes all of these silly little faces while she is sleeping. I wonder what is on her mind. Sometimes she furrows her brow like she is troubled, sometimes I see the devilish grin just like Jake. She has the most beautiful complexion I have ever seen. I think if I were to have kids I would not get anything done...I would want to stare at them all the time.
Last night I had a dream that Matt and I were pregnant. I was about 6 months and I was in Sociology class with Vanda(my friend who IS pregnant). Matt and I were discussing names, I really liked a couple, then I decided that my vote was going to be Jane. He said he really liked that name, but he wanted to name her Molly or Elizabeth. We talked about boy names, I liked Kenneth(after Kenneth Cole of course), and he liked Gregory. We decided that if it were a girl we would name her Elizabeth Jane Dufault and if it were a boy it would be Jonathan Gregory Dufault. Then I woke up and was a little weirded out I was pregnant with Matt's child...weird.
Anyways now that I am awake there is NO way I would name my child Jonathan Gregory...okay wait...as I am typing it again it actually doesn't look that bad. On second thought maybe I should focus on the fact that there is NO way I would be pregnant with Matt's children.
Too much baby stuff all around...need to find singletons to break away from family-oriented thinking.
Now Lily is fussing...
